Not another love letter.

Boyfriends. What is the deal with them? And why are they called such when they clearly aren't just your friend who happens to be a boy?

Well, that is my research question for this evening since I clearly have no other irksome topic to discuss. [Yes, the British bug isn't out of my system yet, but hopefully it will be by my next post, don't worry.] Since this is a topic that is not of my expertise, I ask for pardon in advance. For the crimes I might commit with my writing might as well be damaging to people who have relationships as of now and very upliftng to women who are heart broken...because I have now joined your pack, ladies.

Although it might not be obvious, I am a heartbreaker, but rest assured, I break more necks, legs and ribcages than I do hearts. When I say I am a heartbreaker, it does not imply that I am gorgeous and sought for by thousands of men. Heavens no. It means that my sheer hideousness is enough to cause your heart to break, thinking: "Why ever did God create such a horrid thing?" It can also mean that my evilness and pessimism is so damaging that it can break your heart. You see? There are a lot of ways to break other people's hearts than by making them fall in love with you. But enough about me and my redeeming qualities. I would like to tell a story about my experience. Although this would be ridiculously out of the 8% jurisdiction I set for privacy, I feel that this little bit of information would not in any way be damaging to both me and the reader [if there is one].

I, admittedly, have never felt this before. This feeling like as if you were cow dung being being baked to a crisp under the bloody sun. And this is all caused by a male. He was first introduced to me by my older brother two years ago. He was ordinary, to say the least. Nothing that wold make you look twice unless you've never seen anyone like him before. He was just some ordinary "brainy" fellow who loved Matrix[obvious by the word "NEO" on his chest]. Well, we set off and became "friends". We worked on projects together and watched anime together. I couldn't really tell if he was an anime fan though. Needless to say, like all men, he started to get on my nerves by his sudden perpetual PMS. We would talk or work together and he would suddenly be quiet and not work with me, like he would just be in his own world. He was ridiculously taciturn at the worst times and he was awfully hotheaded. Whenever I chatted with other people, especially boys, in my messenger, he would always do that. The silent treatment. The cold shoulder. And I always thought that this was something women do. There was nothing official between us except that our relationship was purely business and the anime watching was because I insisted on it. How unprofessional. Finally, when he left, I sort of felt this longing for his incompetence. Isn't that just ludicrous? Why miss someone that has caused 70% of your stress? I just don't get it. My brother says it's love. Oh honestly, how could you possibly love someone who is so [in American terms] "square"?

In the end, we never had anything going. But the fact that I'm the only one feeling this way makes it seem so unfair. It's an injustice that I should feel this way about him and not about everyone else. This technique is what they call the "rubber band", as so plainly put by some girly magazines. Yes, I actually do take time in reading those things when I'm in my destist's waiting room. You know those old magazines stacked under or beside the coffee table? Yes those. It turns out that waiting has been productive. When I earned of this technique, I became immune to it, or so I thought. Lots of people have been doing this to me. Men and women. You know, that technique wherein the first half of you time together is sent with im being nice to you and the second half wth him being too busy all of a sudden and not talking to you even if he has the time? That's it. The theory behind this is that you will start missing that person and his/her kindness. It's actually the perfect plan since you can make an excuse that you didn't notice your sudden distance and you can point out that the other person misses you, making him\her believe that he\she realy does love you even though he\she in reality does not. I hope I haven't given you pathetic losers ideas on how to hook a mate. Really, this is a lame technique. You will only deceive this person you "love". And that can't be good.

So, in summary of this extremely incoherent text, I would just like to say: Good riddance, Neo. I have found someone new and this time, I will treat him as my son. My experience with you has been one bloody hell of a ride and I hope never to experience it again. Thanks for the memories. Tchus.