The Confession.

Yes, Daphne, Mary Ann, Reginne, Precious(if you are able to read this), etc. Finally, I admit that I was in denial. Finally I admit that I have a weakness similar to others. I am in dire need of a companion. Not just anyone, I want the particular one I will mention in this entry.

For the past few months, I have felt a terrible pain I could endure no longer. I don’t know why I’ve been feeling this way. God granted some of my wishes: getting into a good school, proving people wrong, etc. Yet, this suffering threatened to swallow up everything I had. All those blank stares at the walls, fatal falls and injuries were too much to bear. I had to go out and take a whiff of fresh polluted air. I went to the mall only to further my sorrow at the sight of women wearing clothes the size of handkerchiefs with make-up as thick as that of clowns’ endlessly chewing bubble gum and their goon boyfriends looking so sleepy as they strolled side by side.

Walking in my simple and very normal self, I kept pondering about these inexplicable feelings that kept bothering my consciousness…until…finally…I saw him. The most beautiful creature God has ever let my eyes come upon. My eyes lit up the way they never had before. I dared not to approach, but simply stare at his face. As if he sensed it, his gaze reverted to me. What ecstasy I felt! His eyes were as blue as the azure sky accented by the cold gray and white fur he wore on his collar. But when I grinned, he looked away. I frowned and felt my heart sink. I continued gazing at him as an imbecile would at a microwave whose plate continued revolving into an everlasting wait. I knew he doesn’t like me. I knew I could never call him mine because he would never survive with me. At last, when I have acquired enough glances from strangers that would make me win the Moron Award 2005, I went home, trying to forget him.

A week passed when I came back. I knew he would be there…my heart said so. I went back to the place where I have seen him, but he never came back. NO!!! NOOOO!!!! I felt my heart crumble. I went into the store and demanded: “Where’d the Siberian husky puppy go?!” But the man said some young man bought him. NOOOOO!!! Curse that young man. He. Will. PAY. DEARLY.

I walked away…crushed and defeated. I remembered that cute pup’s soft gray & white fur and cold blue eyes. I’ve always wanted that kind of dog, but I could never keep him because he can’t live in a tropical country without air-conditioning. How to go on? How to go on?!? That little pup is forever gone. I can never bring him back no matter what I do, unless I slaughter his new owner. I feel a sharper stab of pain in my heart, knowing that he will never be mine. How do I go on? How do I go on?!? *Shakes the reader vigorously until his/her eyeballs fall out*

So long…good bye…my sweet…so long…for you will remain a dream forever…unattainable…unreachable…farewell…

P. S. Please excuse me if I didn’t use Filipino today; I was feeling rather despondent and I couldn’t think straight. The numbing pain is making my puny brain duller than ever. Actually this is supposed to be in my other blog but I needed to inform some people about this matter.

Currently feeling: Frustrated enough to murder.